entry 1 - better days entry 2 - four dreams

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18th of may, 2023

four dreams in a row

so I ran and I knew you wouldn’t catch me.
You are a fever I am learning to live with, and everything is happening
at the wrong end of a very long tunnel


an exerpt from Straw House, Straw Dog by Richard Siken.

I had a nightmare last night. I dont remember the beginning, but i do remember tornado signals blaring.
I was in a house that is only familiar in the way that dream houses can be. I panicked, grabbed up the cat and ushered the dog to the basement. Every room was littered with windows, so i hunkered down under a bunk bed to protect me and my kin. The vinatge radio that had been yelling at me during this process suddenly switched to a different message. i couldnt tell you what it was, but i do know from how my vision tunneled in on it that it had tricked me. i felt sick.
and then i woke up.
it was just a fever dream spurred on by the fact i was covered by a particulary muggy blanket. My chest felt heavy when i woke up, like i was still cradling the cat.
Today is marginally okay. Lots of Keystone prep. im worried i might not pass the year, even if my friends and parents are doing their best to support me.
its very late as of writing this, so i'm afraid i might have to sign off for tonight. much love

your friend,
averagehuman.

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